Reflections from a year ago

I haven't posted anything new for a while, but that may be changing in the not-too-distant future...

Here are some thoughts from a year ago that I never posted. Soon I will likely post one about this this year.

September? 2016

Change is in the air.

Quite literally in fact. Summer has become fall, and now we are bouncing between highs of 80 and 50. The leaves here at camp are also in full change mode, but all at different stages. The walnuts lost their leaves a few weeks ago, now the hickories are in full yellow, while the oaks cling to their green crowns. 

Change happens slowly, often slower than we notice. It's been slowly getting cooler, then it will warm up a bit again, then drop even more. Slowly we've put away the paddle boats, the gaga ball pit, the outdoor volleyball, and the 9 square. Camp is slowly getting ready for the coming winter. Even my beard is creeping longer and longer as I take procrastinate longer and longer between shaves :) 

When I look back over this last (almost) year (it's only been a year!!) since I started working at Menno Haven I am amazed at the changes I've experienced. 

On a personal level I have grown in confidence. I have gained confidence in being able to speak extemporaneously, I am more confident of my role and responsibilities here at camp, and I am becoming more comfortable and fluid in public prayer. 

On a spiritual level I am learning to trust God through tough situations and in answering questions that have many months yet to ferment before they can be answered. 

On a professional level I am learning how to be an effective pastoral presence in whatever setting I'm required to assume that role. I've also built a comfortable network of peers, advisers, and mentors for those times when I feel in over my head. 

These changes have all happened slowly, in fits and starts, and they are far from complete. 

Self reflection and confessional times with God continue to reveal the mountain of pride that exists in my life, and my limited knowledge and life experience continues to be a stumbling block. Perhaps the casual observer might not see it in me, but the deeper and closer I move to God the more my short comings and deformities are revealed in the Father's light.   

This fall, as I watch the leaves turn beautiful colors and die, I am challenged to think of the areas of my life that still need to fall away, the leaves that I need to surrender, the change that is ongoing. They were perhaps necessary for a season, and some can maybe even be celebrated for the beauty of their utility for this season, but now it may be time to let them go. 

Winter is coming soon. A time for rest, an opportunity to prepare for the new growth and change that is right around the corner.  

What season are you in right now?

How does God want to change you? Where has God been at work in your life and heart this past week? Season? Year? Are you ready to let go of any old leaves? What is God's hope for you in this time?

May we be aware and present in our current situations, and conscious of the seasons yet to come.

The Love of God, Reflections from March

Here are some of my thoughts from way back in mid March of this spring. For whatever reason I didn't make them public at the time. Soon I'll post some reflections from the summer, but for now....

Personal Musing: The Love of God

These last few weeks I've been thinking a lot about God's love for me, and God's love for everyone.

The Love of God is greater far 

than tongue or pen can ever tell

It goes beyond the highest star

and reaches to the lowest hell

These words come from one of my favorite hymns and are a great reminder of God's unfathomable love for us. 

Could we with ink the ocean fill

and were the skies of parchment made

were every stalk on earth

and everyone a scribe by trade

to write the love of God above

would drain the ocean dry

nor could the scroll contain the whole

though stretched from sky to sky.

I know that if I were to try and write about all the ways I've seen and felt God's love, both in my life and in the lives of those around me, I would surely have a book that never ends. 

Most recently I've been amazed at how God's love works on such a personal level. A couple of weeks ago I attended a Christian Camping Conference in Indiana. It'd been a busy couple of weeks and there were things I needed to do in the office, but I had already committed to going so I went with an anxious heart. 

In the midst of the week the speaker gave a talk about the deep longings of our heart. As the message began I heard God speak. It was the second time that I've felt God communicate to me so directly. What left me in tears for the rest of the night was not what God had said so much as that the supreme God and creator of the universe had not forgotten me. Even though my faith life was in a bit of a ditch, and I was doing fine with God at the edge of my life, God had not forgotten me. 

We all hear God and know God's love in different ways, but it takes time to know and understand that love. Its like making a new friend. It takes time to understand how to be with each other, how to recognize their voice, or learn their hand writing. I am still learning, and hopefully will continue learning for the rest of my life. 

Directly right after that conference I was signed up to attend the Men's Way of Christ weekend (www.WayofChrist.net), but the timing for me was very uncomfortable. I was just returning from the conference in Indiana were I was tired from late nights of fellowshipping. I was spiritually full from powerful speakers and worship, emotionally raw from a fresh encounter with God, and overall ready to spend a weekend with limited people time. Not to mention the stress of the work on my desk waiting for me when I got back. Instead I went to the Way of Christ weekend with barely 24hrs of recovery time, with a large chunk of that spent getting caught up on half a week's work. 

But the timing was all part of God's plan. Through that weekend my exhaustion was met with new friendships and the face of Christ in the other men there that weekend. I found fresh hope in the Godly men I got to know over the weekend. My anxiety was consoled by the reminder that God is at work, and the way God works is not always what will be most comfortable to us. But God's work is part of God's love. The timing of both events, while initially annoying for me, was actually part of a bigger plan, through which I was reminded of how much God loves me. 

In what ways is God trying to show you his love? Maybe it's through the blessings you've received, family, friends, community. Maybe it's in answered prayers, or peace in times of chaos. Maybe God is showing you love by withholding something from you, something that you think you want, but God knows you are not ready for. Or maybe you feel lost and separated from God's love, like Mother Teresa or St John of the Cross. 

I cannot profess to know everything about God's love, but I do know that it's more powerful than we can imagine, closer than we can comprehend, and open to all who reach for it. 

Keep Listening and Searching. 

Menno Haven Musing: Winter Retreats... and Spring comes

Sometimes it can be hard to really appreciate how far we've come.
One year ago I was across the world, living in a different culture, completely unaware of where God was taking me after graduation. Since then I've biked halfway across the US, preached enough sermons that I've lost count, met more new people than I can recall, and embarked on the new journey of camping ministry. What an adventure it's been!

This last month I had the privilege of organizing my first 2 programs, the High School and Jr High Winter Retreats. Each had it's own set of challenges, learning curves, and rewards.
For High School we almost maxed out our sleeping capacity with 130 youths and sponsors. I saw God at work in 2 major ways. The first was in the amazing way the youth interacted across church boundaries. Everyone seemed to mix well and meet new friends from other churches transcending denominations, ethnicities, cultures, and sometimes languages. It was a hint of the amazing gathering that is coming at the final return of our Savior.

The second way that I was touched was in the unexpected work of the Holy Spirit throughout the weekend. I have many examples, but the one that impacted me the deepest was when our speaker, Jeff Ressler asked the youth groups Saturday night to come up with something to offer during worship Sunday morning. They were instructed to discern what they felt led to bring for the service. The groups split up, and some smaller youth groups combined to make larger ones. Soon groups called me over to say what they felt led to offer. (I was in charge of organizing what the groups were bringing.) Some groups felt led to sing a song, others wanted to do a skit, dramatic scripture reading, a call to worship, offertory, communion. Every element of a traditional worship story was present in some form, and all the scriptures and songs fit thematically together! Only the Spirit of God could have worked so beautifully as to call each group of High Schoolers to offer independently all the parts of a full worship gathering. It gave me goosebumps and I was almost on the edge of tears at how beautiful and amazing God is!


The Jr High Winter Retreat was a bit smaller, but it worked out well with the energy of the age group and the size of our indoor space for games. Mariah Martin, first year student at Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary, really connected with the youth and really opened them up to the realization of their identity in God and God's love for them.
I am heavily indebted to Hannah, Ryan, and the other Menno Haven staff for making the Jr High Retreat run so smoothly. In my confidence from high school weekend I left some things hanging loose, which forced me to run around with a lot of last minute preparations. Without the help of great volunteers it would have been a much more chaotic weekend. A huge thank you to everyone!

Now the retreats are over and summer camp is on the horizon. Summer Staff is on my mind. (Apply online! http://www.mennohaven.com/summer-staff1.html ) The days are getting longer and warmer (except for the occasional cold snap), Lent has begun. Spring will come soon. This is the time of muddy and windy days, of anticipating warmth and new life. Let's not forget the winter and what we have learned. In the solitude of dark winter evenings, the fun of snow day shenanigans, or the gathering of friends and family we each have been formed by some experience or memory. What have you learned this winter? How has God been present in your life? Though we look forward to the coming Spring, let's remember the journey that has gotten us to this point. It's amazing how far we've come.  

Menno Haven Musing: Climbing Wall Faith (Part 2)

In my last post I reflected on some young climbers we had recently that were with a family gathering at Menno Haven, and talked about the joy of climbing without destination.

I want to return again to those climbers, because something else really struck me as I belayed them (aside from one or two swinging out and hitting me ;) ).

When I was facilitating the younger kids, around that 5 year old range, they would climb up the wall a ways, and then say they were ready to come down. Normal rock climbing safety protocol is to alert the person on the ground that you are letting go, and then lean back so you are facing the wall and can kick yourself out as you repel down. This keeps your head safer.

These little guys didn’t quite have that part mastered, but everyone was wearing helmets so it was ok. They would let go in such a way that they would spin around and face out.

I remember one little boy who wouldn’t let go, and I could see the anxiety across his face as he contemplated the drop below him. Suddenly he had to trust the rope, the harness, and me(!) that I could get him safely to the ground. Letting go was hard! First he let go of one rock, then reluctantly the other. After he let go and realized that everything was fine and he wasn’t going to fall, he got a huge grin on his face. He could look out over everything and just enjoy the ride down. That little guy came back a couple more times, and I’m sure he just climbed for the fun of being lowered back down. After that first time, he had no trouble letting go and trusting the rope.

Trusting can be hard. Especially in things that are unseen. From way up high with your back to the person holding the rope it can be hard to tell if everything will be ok. We often have similar struggles of letting go and trusting God. We can’t always see if the rope is held. We are not really sure how high we’ve climbed, or how far it is back down. But time and again we learn that God’s got the rope.

But knowing that we can trust God and actually letting go of the rocks we are clinging to are two completely different things. The climber knows that someone below has the ropes, but that doesn’t always make it easier to let go! But the Bible is consistent, letting go and trusting is the right way to go.

Ps 25 1-2b To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

O my God, in you I trust; 

do not let me be put to shame.

Ps 40: 4 Happy are those who make
    the Lord their trust,
who do not turn to the proud,
    to those who go astray after false gods.

Isaiah 12: 2 Surely God is my salvation;
    I will trust, and will not be afraid,
for the Lord God^[a] is my strength and my might;
    he has become my salvation.

Isaiah 26: 4 Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock.

1 Peter 1: 21 Through him (Jesus) you have come to trust in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are set on God.

(and many many more!)

The verse that I have on my computer right now comes from Jeremiah 17. Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord. They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending its roots out by the stream. It does not fear heat, and its leaves shall stay green. In the year of drought it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit.

Those are some pretty amazing promises for “just” trusting! Fearless, alive, worry free, and fruitful. But how easy it can be to hang on to the climbing wall! Holding our family close, and our guns closer, staying safe in our addictions and patterns of thought, surrounding ourselves with money and possessions, material security.

When you think about it though, what makes it safe for the climbers to climb the wall? Is it the rocks they hold onto, the strength in their arms? No, what makes climbing the wall safe and fun is knowing that we have a strong rope, and an able person holding the rope.

Maybe in this New Year we should look down from the high place we’ve positioned ourselves to see our God holding our rope, ready to lower us down whenever we are ready to stop relying on our own strength. And as we are lowered down and become closer to God we will realize that it’s more fun coming back down than it was going up. 

Menno Haven Musing: Climbing Wall Faith (Part 1)

(Matt 18:1-10)

Recently we had a large family group here at Menno Haven. They gathered from near and far to spend a day at Menno Haven, playing games and enjoying Christmas together. One of the activities they did was the climbing wall. This was my first time facilitating at the climbing wall, although I've worked before helping kids get their harnesses on and managing the lines and such.

Most of the kids that were climbing that day had never done a climbing wall before. Before Kenny (the Guest Group Coordinator at Menno Haven) and I even had the ropes up, all the 7-10 year old boys were "discussing" who would go first and what walls they wanted to start on.

Soon we had everything ready and they all sat attentively while I showed how to put a harness on. And then off they raced to get in line!

Younger first time climbers have an interesting way of climbing. They get all excited, start to climb, decide they've gone far enough, and then are ready to come down. Some are barely up for a minute before they are back on the ground! It's not that they are scared, or that they've given up necessarily, they just made it as far as they want to go and decide to come down. For the first few climbers there really wasn't a concept of "getting to the top." They just wanted to climb! No end goal, just the thrill of climbing something.

I think this is a helpful reminder for us older folk. Most of the time we do things to reach a goal. We start a project to finish it. We vacation with a destination. We eat to clean our plate. We go on a walk to lose weight. We go to work to make money.

And this spills over into our spiritual life as well. We go to church to learn from a preacher. We pray to be closer to God. We sing and worship to experience God. We read the Bible to "get all the answers."

Now, I'm not saying goals are a bad thing! Goals keep us moving forward in life. Destination keeps us focused and on track. But sometimes we get caught up in where we are going and forget to enjoy the climb to get there. Achy muscles, slippery hands, and all! This can be dangerous when we apply a goal or a "destination" to our walk with God. If we expect that if we pray X number of times, or read X amount of the Bible daily, or just listen to the right preacher then God will, (Fill in the Blank) (like me, feel closer, tell me what to do, fix my problems, answer my prayers, etc) then we are missing the point.

Do you visit a friend's house with the goal of getting closer to them? Rarely. Usually we visit our friends because we want to spend time with them. So why should it be different with our relationship with God? But we do know that the more we spend time with our friends in our various difficulties, victories, and everyday monotony the closer we become to that friend, and the better we know each other. That is why reading the Bible, praying, walking in nature, journaling, and other spiritual practices should be done regularly. (Not all obviously. Practicing 2-3 is a good idea though.) These help us to spend time with God, without agenda or a goal other than to just be with our loving Creator.

(Side note, this is also why it is healthy for spouses to check in with each other regularly. Telling about your day, even if it is ordinary and uneventful, will help you stay connected, helping you to grow closer together over time.)  

Goals are not a bad thing, but they can distract us from enjoying the present, and though God will be with us in our futures, we can only be with God in the present. It is like a child climbing. Whether it is a rock wall, the kitchen counter, a tree, a dirt pile, or a stack of hay children love to climb for climbing's sake. Let's practice being more childlike, and enjoy spending time with God in prayer, or silence, or joyous worship event without expecting to get anything out of it other than just the fun of climbing.